DANGERS IN THE HOME
Praise be to Allah. We praise Him and seek His help and forgiveness. We seek refuge with Allah from the evil of our own selves and from our evil deeds. Whomsoever Allah guides cannot be led astray, and whomsoever Allah leaves astray cannot be guided. I bear witness that there is no god but Allah Alone, with no partner or associate, and I bear witness that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.
Putting things right in the home is a great trust and huge responsability which every Muslim man and woman should undertake as Allah commands. They should run the affairs of their homes in accordance with the rules set out by Allah. One of the ways of achieving this is by ridding the home of evil things. The following cautions aims to highlight some evil things that actually happen in some homes and that have become tools of destruction for the nests in which the future generations of the Muslim Ummah are being raised.
This brief paper highlights some of these evil things , explaining about some haram - unlawful, forbbiden - things in order to warn about them. It is a gift to every seeker of truth who is looking for methods of change and reform, so that he or she can implement the command of the Messenger of Allah, salallahu aleihi wa salam:
"Whosoever of you sees an evil action, let him change it with his hand (by taking action), and if he cannot, then with his tongue ( by speaking out), and if he cannot, then with his heart ( by feeling that it is wrong) and that is the weakest of faith." (Reported by Muslim in his Saheeh, 1/69)
Allah is the Guide to the Straight Path.
EVIL THINGS IN THE HOME
ADVICE: Beware of allowing non-mahram relatives to meet the wife in the home when husband is absent
Some homes are not free of the presence of relatives of the husband who are not mahram for the wife, who may be living in his home with him because of some social circumstances, such as his brothers who may be students or single. These relatives enter the home without anyone raising an eyebrow, because they are known in the neighbourhood as being relatives of the head of the household, his brothers or nephews or uncles. This relaxed attitude could generate a lot of evil which will earn the wrath of Allah if is not controlled and brought within the limits set by Allah. The basic principle in this matter is the hadith of the Prophet, salallahu aleihi wa salam,
"Beware of entering house of (non mahram)* women. A man from among the Ansar said, "O, Messenger of Allah, what do you think about the brother-in-law (husband`s brother) ?" He said: " The brother-in-law (of the wife) is death! **
*Mahram means relatives with whom marriage is forbidden. A relationship by marriage or close blood ties that permanently prohibits marriage between two people.
** Fath al-Bari, 9/330.
An-Nawawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said: " What is reffered to in this hadith is the husband`s relatives apart from his father and his sons , because those are mahrams for his wife and can be alone with her, so they are not described as death. What is reffered to here is his brother, nephew, uncle and cousin, and others who she would be permitted to marry if she were not already married. Usually people take the matter lightly with regard to these relatives, so a brother may be alone with his brother`s wife. Thus he is likened to death, when he should be prevented from being alone with her more than a stranger should." ***
The phrase "brother-in-law is death", has a number of meanings , such as:
# That being alone with the brother-in-law may lead to spiritual destruction if sin is commited;
# It may lead to death if adultery is commited and the punishment of stoning is carried out on her;
# It may lead to the woman`s destruction if her husband leaves her because his jealousy leads him to divorce her;
# It may mean, beware of being alone with a non-mahram woman just as you are beware of death;
# It may mean that being alone with a nonmahram woman is as bad as death;
# It is said that it means , let the brother-in-law die rather than be alone with a non-mahram woman.
All of this stem from the concern of Islam to preserve families and households, and to prevent the tools of destruction reaching them in the first place. Having learned what the Prophet, salallahu aleihi wa salam, said,
"What do you think now of those husbands who tell their wives, If my brother comes and I am not here, let him into the sitting room, or a wife who tells a guest, Go into the sitting room , when there is no one else present in the house?"
To those who raise the issue of trust as an excuse, saying I trust my wife, and I trust my brother, or my cousin, we say: your trust is all well and good, and you should not be suspicious when you have no cause to do so, but you should know that the hadith of the Prophet, sallallahu alayhi wa salam,
"No man is alone with non-mahram woman, but the Shaytan- Satan- is the third one present with them." (Reported by Tirmidhi, 1171)
-includes the most pious of people as well as the most corrupt. Islam does not exempt anyone from such rulings.
Whilst writing these few lines, we heard about a problematic situation in which, to cut a long story short, a man married a woman and brought her to live in his family home, where she lived happily with him. Then his younger brother began to meet her when her husband was absent, and talk to her in a romantic manner. This resulted in two things: firstly, she began to dislike her husband intensely, and secondly, she fell in love with his brother. But she was not able to divorce her husband, nor was she able to do what she wanted with the other man. This is the grievous penalty. This story illustrates one level of corruption, beyond which there are many more which culminate in the immoral action ( zina/ adultery, fornication) and the birth of illegitimate children.
Advice: Segregating men and women in family visits
Man is naturally gregarious and sociable; he needs friends and friendships entail visiting one another.
When there are visits between families, we should block the path of evil by not mixing. One of the indications that mixing is haram - unlawful - is the ayah - verse:
"...And when you ask his wives for anything you want, ask them from behind a screen, that is purer for your hearts and for their hearts..." (Qur`an 33:53)
If we were to look for the evil results of mixing during family visits, we would find many objectionable things, such as:
1. In most cases the hijab -veil, covering - of women in these mixed gatherings is non-existent or is no proper, so a woman may display her beauty before someone in front of whom it is not permisible for her to uncover any part of her body. Allah says:
"And not to show off their adornment..."
- It may happen that a woman adorns herself for strangers in a mixed gathering in a way that she never does for her husband.
2. Men seeing women in mixed gathering may lead to moral and religious corruption and sensual provocations.
3. The spouses may argue and ignore one another in an alarming fashion, when one looks at or winks at another man`s wife, or laughs and jokes with her, and she with him. After a couple returns home, the settling of scores begins:
Man: Why did u laugh at what so and so said, when he did not say anything funny?
Woman: Ad why did you wink at so and so?
Man: When he spoke, you understood him quickly, but you do not understand what I say at all!
Thus they trade accusations and the matter ends in enmity and even divorce.
4. Some men and women may regret their luck in marriage, when a man compares his wife to his friend`s wife, or a woman compares her husband to her friend`s husband. A man may say to himself: So and so talks and answers questions she is well educated and my wife is ignorant, she has no education and a woman may say to herself, So and so is so lucky! Her husband is smart and eloquent, and my husband is so boring and speaks without thinking. This spoils the marital relationship or leads to bad treatament.
5. Some people may show off to one another by pretending to have things that they don`t really have. So a man may issue instructions to his wife in front of other men and pretend that he has a strong personality, but when he is alone with her at home he is like a tame pussycat. A woman may borrow gold and wear it so that the other people may see that she has such and such. But the Prophet, peca and blessing of Allah be upon him, said:
"The one who shows off with something that does not belong to him is like one who wears a garment of falsehood." (Fath al-Bari, 9/317)
6. These late-night mixed gatherings result in wasting time , sins of the tongue, and leaving small children home alone (so that they do not disturb the evening with their cries!)
7. These late-night mixed gatherings may even develop to the extent of involving many kinds of major sins, such as drinking wine and gambling, especially among so-called upper classes or posh society. One of the major sins that occur during these gatherings is following the kuffar - non-believers - and imitating them in fashions and various customs. The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessing be upon him, said, "Whosoever imitates a people is one of them."
ADVICE: Beware of the dangers of having (male) drivers and (female) servants in the home
# Striving to ward off evil is a religious duty, and closing the doors of evil and fitnah (temptations) is one of the priorities of shari`ah.
A lot of fitna and sin has come to us through servants and drivers, but many people do not pay attention to this, and if they do notice it, they do not take it seriously. A person may be stung repeatedly from the same place, but he does not feel the pain, or he may hear of a disaster that happened near his own home, but he does not learn from it. This stems from weak faith and the failure to feel that Allah is near, failings that affect the hearts of many people in the modern age. We will briefly explain the bad effects or having servants and drivers in the home, so that it will be a reminder to the one who has the eyes to see or who wants to follow the right path in his own home.
Having female servants in the home presents men, especially young ones, with fitnah and temptations, through their adornment and being alone with them. We hear so many stories, one after another, of some youth being led astray, and the reason for this is that the servant met a young man, or a young man took advantage of the fact that no one else was home and met the servant. Some young men have told their families frankly about what happened, and the families did not respond; in other cases the family may have discovered something, but their response was bereft of any sesnse of honour or jealousy.
"O, Yusuf! Turn away from this! [O, woman!]Ask forgiveness for your sin. Verily, you were of the sinful."
So the fire remains close to the fuel, and the situation is left as it is, with no changes being made. It has also happened that maid servants have taught misbehaviour to the daughtersof the household.
* The lady of the house neglects her duties and forgets her responsabilities, and becomes accustomed to being lazy, then when the servants travels things are very hard indeed for her.
* The children receive a bad upbringing. Following examples represent some:
* The children learn the beliefs of kufr -disbelief - from kafir -disbeliever - maid servants, Christians and Buddhists. There have been children who make the sign of the cross on their heads and two sides of their chests, as they have seen a Christian woman doing when she prays, and she tells them, This is something sweet from Christ. Or a child may see a servant praying to a statue of Buddha or so, or other celebrating her people`s festivals and conveying to our children her feelings of joy, so they get used to taking part in festivals of kufr.
* The children are deprived of their mother`s love and care, which is an essential part of their upbringing and psychological stability. A servant cannot make up this lack for a child who is not hers.
# Some heads of households feel the financial strain of paying salaries fro drivers and maid servants
Then there are the family disputes that arise over who should pay these salaries, especially in cases where the wife is employed. If the wife would stay at home instead of working outside the home, she would spare herself a lot of trouble.
The fact of the matter is that in many cases we create truble for ourselves, then we demand solution, and often the solution we come up with is far from decisive.
- to be continued, inshaAllah -